Dear Peak Money,
A very close friend of mine is planning a destination wedding in Hawaii. Originally it was supposed to be in the summer of 2020, but the couple decided to postpone indefinitely. Now, they've sprung on their guests that they'd like to get married in August of this year, but my financial circumstances have changed, and I can't afford to go.
How do I back out of a wedding I RSVP'd to three years ago?
Sincerely,
Bummed Out Bridesmaid
Dear Bummed Out,
Here's the thing about destination weddings—you don't have to feel guilty if you can't afford to fly to another country to watch your friends get hitched. Of course, in a perfect world, we could support our friends in every milestone they reach, big or small.
The most important thing is to be honest with your friend about why you can't attend.
- Tell them you're so excited for their big day, and you'll be there in spirit and via video chat, text message, email, and phone calls to give her a pep talk and yell at the other bridesmaids if needed.
Then plan something small to celebrate with the new couple after the wedding.
- A luau-themed backyard party with dollar store leis and ukulele music won't cost much but creates a great atmosphere where you can hear about the real Hawaiian wedding you couldn't attend.
You're not going because you don't believe in them as a couple, and a true friend wouldn't want you putting yourself in a precarious money situation to attend their big day.